losing it


Do any of you guys remember Charlotte York? That preppy, perfect character who wanted her life to look like a magazine? I remember watching her on TV when I was in high school and college and thinking to myself, Okay, yeah, if I could just be like that when I'm older...

When she got married to her second husband on the show, and she softened her personality and accepted life's imperfections, we loved her even more. But when the second SATC movie came out, I thought to myself, huh. Maybe they went too far. Now she seems like she can't get it together at all. She's always overwhelmed by her kids. She confesses how hard motherhood is over cocktails while Miranda tells her to "keeping sipping". I thought it was a little annoying.

After I had my own kids, I started to remember those scenes again. Especially the scene when Charlotte loses it with her young daughter, Lily. After Lily plants two, full-of-paint hands on her skirt, Charlotte grabs her little fists and screams, "LILY LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!" In a split second her face changes and she's overcome with horror and remorse. Still shaky, she tells the girls to give mommy just one second, and she goes to the closet to cry. I've thought of that short scene over and over again as a mom. Even though she's just a character, the scene strikes a chord with me now. If Charlotte York can lose it, then maybe I'm not actually alone in this. 

In the name of mom-solidarity, I proposed another question this week on social media. I asked moms to describe with one sentence that feeling of remorse and shame you get after yelling or screaming at your kids. Of course, none of us ever want to "lose it" with our beloved, beautiful children. But in the mean time, while we're all trying to work on ourselves, I thought it might help to hear that we're not alone in the journey. We often think we're the only ones struggling, and we end up being really, really hard on ourselves. 

So here's what you guys had to say....

Can I turn back the clock?
I’m a horrible monster.
Did I really do that? Again!!!
I’m not cut out for this.
It’s not her fault I’m ______ (insert: stressed, tired, cranky, upset, nervous etc.)
I’m a failure!
What did I just do?!?!
I’m human, trying, failing, trying again…
I’m the worst mom ever.
Next time louder! #kidding
Omg I’m a horrible mother, I’m damaging them for life, I promised I would never yell…
I hate myself.
I need a time out.
I never yell at my sweet angels. #alsokidding
Where’s the child remote control?
I want to take it back.
Don’t want to be in charge!
Did I really just do that?
7:45 AM and I’ve already lost it??
Ruined their life forever!
I hated when my parents did this to me.
I don’t deserve to be their mom
Cathartic. But then shame and remorse.
I’m in hulk mode again.
What is wrong with me?!

What would you add to the list? How do you describe that feeling after "losing it"? What would you want to tell other moms going through the same thing? 

P.S. Women share what anxiety feels like in six words or less, the paradox of motherhood, and what prenatal/postpartum anxiety and depression can feel like

Grow, TalkNurit Siegal1 Comment