I probably shouldn't admit this after having just written a post where I use the word "complex" four times in a sentence, but since I was young I've always struggled with wanting to come off as smart. When I was graduating high school, I hoped to go off to college and become one of those students who highlighted notes for four hours straight at a Starbucks over the course of five coffees (can't say that ever happened!). I just always wanted to look and seem as intelligent as possible. Unfortunately, I have the vocabulary of about a seven year old so there's only been so much I've been able to prove over the years... But there was one moment I thought I was really going to be able to pull it off.
I remember when I was about sixteen years old, I took several ACT pre-tests at my high school (remember those exams??). I'd never done well with standardize testing and felt like this was my chance to finally get it right. When they handed back the results, I could not believe that I had gotten a PERFECT score. My eyes dashed around the page in disbelief as I looked at all the beautiful numbers. Just as I was about to share my glory with all those smarter, AP-acing friends, my eyes caught the name in the top right corner: "Natalie Weisman" (my maiden name is Weizman... Hence, the mix up). There is no point in mentioning what my real score turned out to be.
Is there a certain insecurity you have struggled with your entire life? Have you had any terrible blunders or haunting moments in pursuit of your "perfect" self?